Comment Wall
Welcome to the comment wall for my storybook Lives of Lakshmi. Here you can tell me about your thoughts and interact with others who have read this story. Enjoy!
Introduction to Your Friendly Local Nerd
Hi! My name is Alex. I'm a senior mechanical engineering major. With any luck, I will graduate this semester. After I graduate, I hope to go to grad school at CU Boulder, to get a degree in mechanical engineering with a research focus of robotics and systems design. As you may be able to guess, I love robots. I have been part of the competitive robotics team for four years now, and am currently the president. You can check us out here if you're interested in seeing what we do, but here's a few pictures anyway because I think they're neat. The early stages of this year's IEEE bot. A prototype of his year's RoboMagellan bot. I also work with robots. I work for the KISS Institute of Practical Robotics, where I get to teach kids about coding and robots, which is ridiculously cool, and a ton of fun. I also build the controllers the kids use, but that's not nearly as interesting or fun. I'm also an officer for Engineers' Club. We do lots o...
Hello Alex,
ReplyDeleteRight off the bat your picture for your home page is so worldly. I really loved it. It has a sense of cosmic feel with flows with the main characters you are writing about since they are about goddesses. I likes the intro on the home page you have written. It was so mysterious and captivating. It invited people to read. I also liked how you did a comment button! That is so creative! I was also amazed by your introduction. It was a great breakdown and tease of the lives they have been reincarnated as and their story of what had happened. It seems like a forbidden love spanned across many lifetimes. You did a good job depicting the stories. I am very excited to read more of your writing once you have published more stories. The only critic I would suggest is lining your picture of Lakshmi and the description together. Also in the part that say "about it and lost you once again" i think there is an extra space between you and once. It was in the second to last paragraph. Overall great story!
Alex,
ReplyDeleteI found your project through the randomize, but ironically, my project is dedicated to Lakshmi too! I originally intended to make a project about the women of Ramayana, but quickly became fascinated with Lakshmi that I had to dedicate something just to her. Based off of your introduction, I am assuming Lakshmi has lost her way and the collection of stories is meant to be a way to show her who she actually is. I love the female empowerment throughout the website so far. For instance, I loved the short paragraph you put on the homepage describing her as a hero of her own. I like the theme you had for the homepage as well, very existential. I am excited to see what your project becomes especially since it is so different from mine despite us having the same focus. So far the only question I have is who is the person telling these stories to Lakshmi. Is it another goddess or a narrator of some sort? Either way, great idea and great set up! I'm excited to see what you create!
Hey Alex,
ReplyDeleteI really like your idea to tell the tales of Lakshmi as though they are being recounted to her by her lover! Is it through the eyes of Vishnu that you're telling the stories or is it one of Lakshmi's family members? I only ask because on the cover page you introduce her as VIshnu's lover, so when you opened with "my dearest Lakshmi" I assumed it was he speaking, but you refer to Vishnu in the third person in the introduction so perhaps clarifying the identity of the narrator before you begin could be beneficial! Whoever is speaking clearly cares dearly for Lakshmi and I feel that your beautiful descriptions of her life give a lot of good insight into how the narrator feels about the goddess. I didn't realize how fierce and powerful Lakshmi is and I'm particularly curious to see how the tale of her life as Padmavati unfolds. It's quite interesting to me that after a life as faithful and devoted as Sita's that the next reincarnation of the goddess is a proud one that has Vishnu as Narayana chasing after her!
Hi Alex,
ReplyDeleteI could tell as soon as I clicked on your page that what your story book was about and I loved that. Very straight and to the point, and I love how you connected the multiple lives of Lakshmi to the stars/ universe. It gives it a cool cosmic kind of feel and gives the readers a way to connect the stories to one another. I also loved your introduction and how you were talking to Lakshmi directly as if it were a conversation or a letter of some sort. Who is supposed to be speaking though? I think it would make a little bit more sense if you made that more clear, like if you made it a letter and signed it at the end like "love, ___". One thing that I also loved about the introduction is that you lay out very clearly the different lives and give a brief explanation of each of them. It makes it evident what your stories are going to be about. You did a really awesome job, I'm excited to see how it all turns out!
Wow Alex, what a fantastic premise for your storybook. Lakshmi, Sita, is someone who we do not get much detail about from the stories that we have read so far. In the Ramayana she gets very little in the way of character development, and I was left starved for more information about both Sita. I think that this project is super cool because it focuses on a subject that I had not thought to look into before reading your introduction. I like the design of your website. It is similar to my own but with some differences that make it better, in my opinion. The way you integrated the comment wall link into a button is a design choice that I need to incorporate it into my own storybook. It looks sleek makes your title page look good. I think you have created a great storybook, and I look forward to seeing some of the stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Alex,
ReplyDeleteI think the topic you chose and the way you're telling Lakshmi's story is amazing! We get to see the stronger side to her rather than the version we saw in the Ramayana. In parts of the Ramayana I feel like Sita came across as a damsel in distress who was more devoted to her husband than he was to her. I liked seeing how she was a strong woman on her own and that though she loved Vishnu there was more to her than that. I liked the way you told the story from Brahma's perspective and I feel like that was a really creative approach to it. From previous comments it seems like some people are confused about who the narrator of the story is. I would make it more obvious that it is Brahma in order to avoid confusion. Like someone said above maybe make it in the form of a letter addressed by Brahma or something like that? Other than that I really liked your story and I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out!
Oh I love this! I think in the Ramayana it was not fair that Sita did pretty much nothing and let Rama at the end not treat her well. It would be really cool to see who she is and what she is capable of. The part on home was really fascinating to read about! I had no idea what moksha was or that they could eventually stop the cycle of death and see the Brahman in true form. This is a very unique way to retell of her previous lives. Is there a story about how this goddess came to be or did she simply just exist? I know some gods also have their own creation stories.
ReplyDeleteMaybe after “they understood that everyone has their place and purpose.” You could start the next sentence as “Then there were” so it shows contrast.” Did Indra know at first that that Lakshmi was on his side? It seems very noble of Lakshmi to want to help Indra after she notices him sweat a bit. It is rude that he scoffed at her gift. Indra seems to be hotheaded which I guess should be expected of the god of war. At least he still used her blessing and did not discard it else who knows what might have happened.
It seems kind of crazy the power she had on the war and how she left everything they wanted was gone. It makes me think that if they knew she was the goddess of prosperity, wealth, and fortune, why didn’t all the other gods or beings worship her so they may be granted it. At least this story allowed the two sides to work together temporarily and not fight against each other, even though they may have done it for the wrong reasons, which is for her wealth. It definitely shows her power and influence on others. Good work!
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ReplyDeletea. I really liked your storybook. The images on the website help the reader to get a sense of what is going to be happening on each page of your story. The navigation you chase is also very good. It is easy to navigate between the pages of your storybook and your comment wall. I also think that your story concept is very interesting. I liked how you introduced the Author a provided a bit of backstory that helps the reader to understand what is going on in the world you created. I think you also twisted the story of Adam and Eve with the Ashwini twins into your own story very well. Overall, I like where your story seems to be going. I think your storybook is well written. Your word choice in the story helped me to feel that I was being transported into the world you created for this story.
ReplyDeleteHi Alex,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading through the stories that you have so far! I like the topic you chose, and also how you decided to structure your storybook around the Brahman reminding her of her past lives. I was a little confused the first time I read through the introduction, so I think if you add in some third person narrative to go along with the dialogue that could help clarify things. It wouldn't need to be in all the stories, because I really do like how you have it set up with the Brahman reminding Lakshmi about her past lives, but I think adding a little more background information in either the title page or the introduction would help make things clearer. It would also be nice to hear a bit more about how much of the first story is directly from the Mahabharata and how much of it is from your own imagination. I was unfamiliar with the story of Indra and Lakshmi prior to reading this, so I'm not entirely sure which parts of it you modified. I would be interested in knowing more about it, purely for curiosity's sake. What you have so far looks really good and I'm excited to read whatever you write next!
Hi Alex!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your Storybook so far, and I have to say that I felt as though you put a lot of thought and planning into how you want to follow through with it. I think the perspective you're coming from makes it all the more interesting, as you are actually telling Lakshimi's stories through another's eyes. I was wondering what the 'milky ocean' represented and if it was just simply the oceans on this world or if it had more significance to the mythology. I did look it up but I was thinking that you could perhaps add its significance as well as Mount Meru's significance to your Author's Note. I think sometimes what adds a nice touch is that many of these spiritually significant places and features are actually real places in the modern world, and that some of these mythologies are essentially their 'origin' stories for why they have such spiritual and cultural significance. Honestly other than that I really can't think of any other suggestions. I love Sita's character and so am really looking forward to how you tell her story as an incarnation of Lakshimi!
Hi Alex,
ReplyDeleteI’m enjoying your storybook so far! It’s written clearly and with an interesting stylistic twist: I would never think to write about a god in the second person, but you’ve done it, and I think it works. Maybe there’s something odd about a story about agency in which “you” are told exactly what “you” did, with very little choice, but I still think that the stylistic decision works.
My big question: who was talking to Lakshmi in the introduction? It’s intriguing to have a narrator that can talk in such familiar and even parental tones to a god of such stature, and I want to know who it is! Is this something you plan to reveal, or to leave a secret?
In your “Lakshmi” story, I wanted to hear more about Lakshmi’s thoughts and actions upon her return. Did she truly feel that they deserved her help? Was it the action of annoyance and frustration? Or was there some other reason?
Best,
A.M.
Hey Alex, I found your intro extremely compelling. I am a huge fan of a deeper study of the female characters in works where the male ones normally take center stage, so I am very excited to see how your storybook develops. So far I am a pretty big fan, so good job on that. Based on what I read, it seems you have a pretty solid and concise idea of what you want to do and how you want to executed it, which is always great. I definitely did not have the most clear idea when I started my storybook, so it's nice to see that you do. Something else I want to comment on is the point of view you used on your story. Dude, that was intense. You don't read a lot read a lot of stories from that point of view but you killed it. It added an extra layer to the story that I really enjoyed and it definitely kept me entertained the whole way through. I look forward to reading your future stories. Keep up the great work, man.
ReplyDeleteHi Alex,
ReplyDeleteYour story was just incredible. I love how much effort, research, and hard work was put into this. I love how you took the perspective of the Brahma. It makes the story so interesting and you wrote it so beautifully. It was truly a wonder reading it. You really emphasize Lakshmi's qualities, which are so undermined in many stories. There was not a moment where I was not so interested in your story. Your visualizations were great and you really know how to portray a scene. I think one thing you can add to your introduction is maybe an explanation of Lakshmi's symbols to complete her introduction. Otherwise, you do so well in describing her and her story. I love that you really put in the effort to read a separate story and provide information from that as well. Overall, it was simply incredible. I cannot wait to come back and read more!
Hi Alex,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your galaxy themed banner is mesmerizing and I genuinely love it. It really caught my eye and made me interested to see what other images you decided to use. I have loved looking at people's different images throughout their website and you definitely did a great job with making your website very vivid and appealing. Additionally, your other images were great as well and depicted your characters nicely. I would suggest possibly changing the banner image for the Sita page. It was a little blurry, so finding a clearer picture to use might be helpful. I really think your home page preface was spectacular. Sometimes introductions can be difficult to mesh together, but you managed to merge all of the topics perfectly while still keeping the focus on Lakshmi. I also liked how your story was so descriptive and well spoken. It made it extremely enjoyable to read and I cannot wait to read more.
Hi Alex!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your project. The design of it fits very well with its contents. Each web page of your website was easy to navigate. The design continuity on each page also helps the reader to stay immersed in the story. I the images you chose to put on each page was also chosen really well. The helped me to be able to visualize the character and feel more connected to the story. I also enjoyed the content of this project I think it was very interesting to frame it in a way were the Brahman tells Lakshmi the stories of her past lives. It was nice to be able to view things more from her perspective. I also enjoyed reading your author's notes. I think they are very good at helping the reader to understand what is going on in the story. The only thing I would change is adding a short summary of the original to it to help others understand the story more.
Hi~
ReplyDeleteMy last entry includes some Vishnu and when he comes up, his better half cannot be ignored. I chose your storybook then because I wanted to learn more about Lakshmi.
I like how you are able to establish Lakshmi's personality right away. Even if it was the Brahman describing herself back to her, I was able to figure out the kind of person/goddess she is.
Where can I find a lotus necklace that brings fortune and prosperity? Is that something Amazon sells?(:
I haven't been a big fan of images within the story, they always make me think the story is over, but you were able to place them at just the right moment.
It's been a quick minute since I've heard Lakshmana's name. It's so close to Lakshmi that when I first saw it in your story, I had a brief moment of confusion.
I really liked the last story. The way you portrayed Lakshmi's feelings felt modern and relatable. I'm sad I found your story before you finished the epilogue. I will have to try to remember to come back and see how the story ends. Thanks for writing such an interesting storybook this semester! I enjoyed getting to know Lakshmi a little better.
Hi Alex,
ReplyDeleteLet me start by saying that your website looks fantastic. I actually use the same galaxy theme image for my website in the Mythology and Folklore class. I also like all the pictures you used for the stories.
I really like the premise of your storybook, about how the Goddess Lakshmi is being told the stories from her re-incarnations. Reading through the stories, I learned much about her. I think this storybook is very informative. I was familiar with the story of Sita because of the Ramayana, but I had little to no knowledge of Lakshmi and Padmavati. All of your writing is very well written, and I could not find many grammatical mistakes. I enjoyed reading through your stories and learning so much about the Goddess Lakshmi and her lives. I look forward to reading the Epilogue and seeing how you will wrap up the storybook.
Hey Alex,
ReplyDeleteThis week we are focusing on paragraph structure so I paid extra attention to that when reading your work. I read the stories about Sita and Padmavati. I really enjoyed the stories. The amount of dialog you included into the stories was great. This kinda segways into paragraphs. I noticed that after a dialog from a character you'd move to another line/start a new paragraph. I personally think that it looks more like a script. I think with the amount of dialog that you have and the way you break up your story works well. It is easy to read. I enjoyed that aspect of your stories.
Overall, I wanted to say the theme of your project is amazing. It looks very nice. Keep up the good work.
Hi Alex! I like that you chose to focus on Lakshmi and her incarnations. I often encountered her as well as other incarnations of other gods during the Wikipedia trails assignments, but I don't usually read source material so I am glad you decided to write about her. Her incarnations tend to be some of the more interesting ones because of her relation to Vishnu, and thus she would play a major role in much of what his incarnations do as well (i.e. Sita/Rama and Rukmini/Krishna, for instance). Overall, I think you're a good writer. Dialogue is something I always struggle the most with, and I didn't get that impression in how you wrote the dialogue in your storybook. Your paragraphs work well too here. I didn't feel like they were too short or too long in any of your stories, nor did I think the flow between them was interrupted at any point.
ReplyDeleteHello there, Alex.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I really enjoyed reading some of your stories and visiting your storybook website! I think the entire page is designed very well and is so easy to navigate. This week, however, we are supposed to focus on the "paragraphing" across our assigned classmates' entire sites. I actually think you have very good division of paragraphs and pretty much the perfect variation in paragraph length. It helps when you don't just have massive paragraphs because it kind of makes the story flow less well and it's hard to go back and find certain information. That being said, I do have a couple of tips that might help you go even further! If there is dialogue in your story, start a new paragraph. If the speaker changes, start another! This is probably in no way a requirement, but I always think it helps the eyes to watch the conversation change between speakers. Also, you could make your author's note two paragraphs! I like to make one paragraph about the information/original story/etc., and one about my own story! Overall, you've done great work!
Hey Alex,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I enjoyed all of your stories. I enjoyed how you fashioned them as a retelling to Lakshmi herself. Your page is laid out very well and it was easy to navigate and explore. I believe the grouping of all your text is really good and it gives each paragraph its' own power if you know what I mean. The dialogue of your stories was really good and I think that it aided in telling your story. I liked how you had separate stories for each version of her and you did not clump them all together. Each story feels like its' own entity, but it also feels a part of the collective whole. I also really enjoyed the theme of your storybook because it really allowed that ethereal feel for Lakshmi to come through and it upped your stories in a different way visually. Overall, great job with your storybook!
Hi Alex, I liked how you picked Lakshmi because it seems like she has interesting reincarnated lives. She is an important character so getting to know her through these stories is cool. Your overall page layout is quite easy to navigate. Your actual stories are structured in a way that is easy to read. Your paragraph lengths help keep the reader interested without getting bored but also lumps important, similar ideas together to keep the flow. I'm reading your page after your stories have been added, so I can see the overlap of "Lakshmi's soul" in them. In terms of actual writing, I didn't notice any obvious grammar (I was not able to catch any). Your author's notes were informative for the reader. I was able to understand your inspiration and what you were trying to accomplish through them. Unfortunately with the class coming to an end, I probably won't be able to read more of your writing but I did enjoy your storybook! Wonderful job!
ReplyDeleteHi Alex! I would like to begin by saying that I found it interest[omg that you chose to write your storybook about Lakshmi and the retelling of her reincarnated lives. I don’t think I remember a lot specifically about her. However, after reading you stories, I have a clear summarization of how she is linked to other known character’s like Sita and Padmavati. Furthermore, I thought your stories were well written and clear a concise. Was there a particular reason why decided to write about Lakshmi? I’ve been reading a lot of stories, and I’m glad to see a lot of people writing about women and women empowerment. A few suggestions that I have for you storybook is to possibly add a few more photos to your website. I saw that there was maybe one photo on each story, so you could add even a couple of pictures for the website just to have the readers feel a little bit more engaged.
ReplyDelete