Week 2 Story The Fall of the Prideful Turtle
For this story, I combined the two turtle stories into one. I wanted to have the pride he develops in the first story lead to his ultimate downfall in the second.
Bibliography. "The Turtle and the King" and "The Turtle and the Geese" from Jataka Tales by Ellen C. Babbit.
There was once a king who had two young sons. In his palace garden, there was a pool of water. His sons loved playing in the pool. They loved wading in the cool water on hot days. They loved watching the fishes swim to an fro, their colorful scales glinting in the sun. They loved watching the cranes stroll gracefully through the shallows.
One day, as the boys were playing, they noticed a turtle sunning itself on a log by the shore. They had never seen a turtle before, and were terrified, thinking this unfamiliar creature must be a demon. They ran inside and buried their faces in their father's tunic, crying loudly about the demon in the garden. The king sent a servant to apprehend the demon. The servant returned, a bit out of breath.
"I nearly fell in the pool and drowned, but I captured the demon!" said the servant, for he himself could not swim.
To comfort his sons, the king ordered the turtle to be pounded to a powder. The turtle was scared, but he considered himself rather clever. Having nothing to lose and everything to gain, he tried to bluff his way out of the situation.
"Haha!" the turtle laughed, "Do you honestly believe a stone or hammer could dent my strong shell?"
The king was taken aback. "Then bake him in hot coals!" he ordered, as his sons began to weep harder upon realizing the supposed demon could not be killed so easily.
The turtle chortled, continuing his ruse. "Do you not notice my tough, scaly skin? Hot coals do not bother me." The sons began to weep even harder, screaming and creating quite a ruckus.
The servant who had retrieved the turtle piped up at this point. "Your Majesty, when I captured the demon, he was balancing on a log, trying to stay clear of the water. We should drown him!"
The turtle saw his chance. "Oh no! Your Majesty, have mercy! Such a painful death is drowning! Anything but that!" The sons quieted a bit upon realizing that the demon could be killed.
"A demon such as yourself, terrorizing my innocent sons deserves no mercy," said the king, and he ordered the turtle thrown into the pool.
The sons cheered as the turtle was flung into the very middle of the pool. He sank into the muck at the bottom of the pool to await nightfall, when he could resurface unseen, smug in his deception.
"Some king," he said to himself. "I myself should be king if I can so easily outwit him."
That morning he overheard two cranes talking as they caught breakfast in the dim dawn light.
"Where shall we fly today?" one asked the other.
"I heard tell of a pool not far from here which is shaded by tall trees that grow around it, which has the most beautiful lilies growing in its shallows, and which has fish so plentiful one cannot stick their beak in the water without spearing dinner." replied the other.
The turtle was understandably eager to get away from his current pool, and this new pool sounded lovely.
"Dear friends," he said to the cranes, "the pool you speak of sounds incredible. Might I join you on your journey?"
"We would not mind your company," said the first one, "But you cannot fly. How will you join us on our journey?"
The turtle had an idea. "Why, if you grasped this stick between you, I could hold onto it with my mouth, and I could fly with you."
The second crane chimed in. "If we held it with our feet, we could talk, but you with the stick in your mouth could not speak a word lest you fall to your death."
"Oh, I understand. I am far too clever to be distracted," the turtle said confidently.
And so the cranes grasped the stick with their feet, and the turtle grasped it with his mouth, and they took off for the new pool. All was well. But, as they were flying, a group of children in the fields below noticed them.
"What a stupid turtle!" one exclaimed, "Doesn't he know that turtles belong in the water, and not in the air?"
The turtle opened his mouth to correct the children, that he was indeed brilliant, that he had outwitted the king himself, and that he was indeed going to the nicest pool of water any of them had ever seen. But, of course, as soon as he opened his mouth, he fell, plummetting to the earth, and being dashed to death on the stones of the field.
One crane remarked to the other, "Well, pride doeth come before the fall."
Bibliography. "The Turtle and the King" and "The Turtle and the Geese" from Jataka Tales by Ellen C. Babbit.
The Turtle Conversing with a Crane
(Source)
There was once a king who had two young sons. In his palace garden, there was a pool of water. His sons loved playing in the pool. They loved wading in the cool water on hot days. They loved watching the fishes swim to an fro, their colorful scales glinting in the sun. They loved watching the cranes stroll gracefully through the shallows.
One day, as the boys were playing, they noticed a turtle sunning itself on a log by the shore. They had never seen a turtle before, and were terrified, thinking this unfamiliar creature must be a demon. They ran inside and buried their faces in their father's tunic, crying loudly about the demon in the garden. The king sent a servant to apprehend the demon. The servant returned, a bit out of breath.
"I nearly fell in the pool and drowned, but I captured the demon!" said the servant, for he himself could not swim.
To comfort his sons, the king ordered the turtle to be pounded to a powder. The turtle was scared, but he considered himself rather clever. Having nothing to lose and everything to gain, he tried to bluff his way out of the situation.
"Haha!" the turtle laughed, "Do you honestly believe a stone or hammer could dent my strong shell?"
The king was taken aback. "Then bake him in hot coals!" he ordered, as his sons began to weep harder upon realizing the supposed demon could not be killed so easily.
The turtle chortled, continuing his ruse. "Do you not notice my tough, scaly skin? Hot coals do not bother me." The sons began to weep even harder, screaming and creating quite a ruckus.
The servant who had retrieved the turtle piped up at this point. "Your Majesty, when I captured the demon, he was balancing on a log, trying to stay clear of the water. We should drown him!"
The turtle saw his chance. "Oh no! Your Majesty, have mercy! Such a painful death is drowning! Anything but that!" The sons quieted a bit upon realizing that the demon could be killed.
"A demon such as yourself, terrorizing my innocent sons deserves no mercy," said the king, and he ordered the turtle thrown into the pool.
The sons cheered as the turtle was flung into the very middle of the pool. He sank into the muck at the bottom of the pool to await nightfall, when he could resurface unseen, smug in his deception.
"Some king," he said to himself. "I myself should be king if I can so easily outwit him."
That morning he overheard two cranes talking as they caught breakfast in the dim dawn light.
"Where shall we fly today?" one asked the other.
"I heard tell of a pool not far from here which is shaded by tall trees that grow around it, which has the most beautiful lilies growing in its shallows, and which has fish so plentiful one cannot stick their beak in the water without spearing dinner." replied the other.
The turtle was understandably eager to get away from his current pool, and this new pool sounded lovely.
"Dear friends," he said to the cranes, "the pool you speak of sounds incredible. Might I join you on your journey?"
"We would not mind your company," said the first one, "But you cannot fly. How will you join us on our journey?"
The turtle had an idea. "Why, if you grasped this stick between you, I could hold onto it with my mouth, and I could fly with you."
The second crane chimed in. "If we held it with our feet, we could talk, but you with the stick in your mouth could not speak a word lest you fall to your death."
"Oh, I understand. I am far too clever to be distracted," the turtle said confidently.
And so the cranes grasped the stick with their feet, and the turtle grasped it with his mouth, and they took off for the new pool. All was well. But, as they were flying, a group of children in the fields below noticed them.
"What a stupid turtle!" one exclaimed, "Doesn't he know that turtles belong in the water, and not in the air?"
The turtle opened his mouth to correct the children, that he was indeed brilliant, that he had outwitted the king himself, and that he was indeed going to the nicest pool of water any of them had ever seen. But, of course, as soon as he opened his mouth, he fell, plummetting to the earth, and being dashed to death on the stones of the field.
One crane remarked to the other, "Well, pride doeth come before the fall."
Great story! I liked how you used dialog effectively and the dialog didn't seem too repetitive. The spacing also made your story easy to read and is something I will implement on my next one. One thing I would try to look out for is using the word they a lot to start the sentences. They is very vague it's better to say who the subject of the sentence is in a more definite way.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story! I loved how you combined two stories. That is such a great idea--I will have to use that next time. The way the two stories interacted flowed very well. I can tell you took time in your project. The dialogue carried the story very nicely, and every character had great personality.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was a really good idea to combine both turtle stories into one. You did a good job of developing the character of the turtle and showing how his pride grew as he was able to trick the king. I like how you showed that this pride is what led to his downfall. I really enjoyed the dialogue and it was really engaging to read. I
ReplyDeleteI liked the repeated structure in the story; the repetition gives it a forward momentum that I like.
ReplyDeleteI wonder: had the servant never seen a turtle before either? Or was he too afraid to contradict the royal family? And if they'd all never seen a turtle before, and turtle's are that uncommon, how did this one come to be there?
What if you made the repeated structure of the turtles dialogue with the King even more formulaic? I think that might give it even more punch and power.
Thanks for the story!
-- A
Hey Alex!
ReplyDeleteThis was a pretty enjoyable story to read. I really liked your idea of combining two stories into one, I actually had not thought of doing that before but your transition was easy to follow and the combination of stories made a lot of sense. I also liked how you included just enough dialogue that the turtle's personality was easily seen, so despite his "success" in the first story, I still didn't really like him that much, which I think is what you were going for.
One thing I did wonder about was, if the kids really loved the pool and spent so much time near it, how was it that they had never seen a turtle before?
And lastly, I noticed that sometimes the verb tenses were inconsistent throughout the story, and my suggestion would be to proofread your story a bit more. Overall, though, I really enjoyed your story!